Recognizing Signs of Stress in Children

My toddler understands that I go to work and that daddy goes to work.  In fact, he believes that his time at daycare is his work.  I imagine that he thinks I hang out with my adult friends spending the day swinging, playing with blocks and coloring.  I look at these activities as being stress free and lots of fun however, this may not be the case for him.  In our effort to help our children grow up, sometimes we may give them too much responsibility and over schedule them, creating an imbalance that results in stress.

Child development experts believe that providing a secure environment that includes talking, cuddling and playing enhances a child’s intellectual potential. (Time Magazine, April 30, 2001 )  As caring parents, we want our children to have the best learning toys, be involved in extra curricular activities, play sports, take music lessons, do homework and take on community service projects.  We forget to let “kids be kids” to cuddle, to read to them and just hang out and relax.  So declare next Saturday to be a lazy day and enjoy!

Signs of Stress

(Excerpt from “Children and Stress” by Herbert G. Lingren, University of Nebraska , Lincoln )

The two most frequent indicators that children are stressed are change in behaviors and regression of behaviors.  Children under stress change their behavior and react by doing things that are not in keeping with their usual style.

Preschoolers under stress tend to exhibit

• Irritability
• Anxiety
• Uncontrollable crying
• Trembling with fright
• Eating or sleeping problems

Toddlers may

• Regress to infant behaviors
• Feel angry and not understand their feelings
• Fear being alone or without their parent
• Withdraw
• Bite
• Be sensitive to sudden or loud noises
• Become sad, angry, aggressive, have nightmares, or be accident prone

Elementary Age Children may react to stress by

• Whining
• Withdrawing
• Feeling unloved
• Being distrustful
• Not attending to school or friendships
• Have difficulty naming their feelings
• Worrying about the future
• Complaining of head or stomach aches
• Have trouble sleeping
• Experiencing a loss of appetite
• Urinate frequently

Preteens and Adolescents may feel

• Angry longer
• Disillusioned
• Low self-esteem
• Distrustful to everything
• They may show extreme behaviors
• Doing everything they are asked
• Rebelling
• Breaking all of the rules
• Taking part in high-risk behaviors

Helping the Child Cope

(excerpt from “Children and Stress: Are You Pushing Your Child Too Hard?” by Mary F. Longo, Ohio State University )

Once a child becomes involved in an activity, it is important that the parent be supportive, but not pushy. A parent can offer praise and show interest by attending the activity, but allow the child the opportunity to change interests based on his or her desires. When children are younger, they commonly need help balancing their activities. As a parent, observe your child. Ultimately, you are responsible for him or her. You can help by offering suggestions as needed and guarding against becoming too committed to the activities to notice a change in your child's behavior.

Here are some ideas to try:

·        Help your child evaluate activities that are producing a problem. For example, is it a problem with the action itself or something associated with the action, such as a friend who is there?

·        If your child has too little free time, help him or her change his or her schedule to make time for relaxation and play.

·        Spend time together every day, even if it is only ten or fifteen minutes. This shared time will help you better understand your child's needs and give your child the confidence sometimes needed to tell a parent he or she wants to quit an activity.

·        Parents may want to examine their own schedules. Often a parent's hectic schedule will cause a child to be stressed or nervous about the things he or she is doing.

·        Discuss the child with his or her pediatrician. Occasionally, when a more serious problem is present, the pediatrician may recommend additional outside help.

Well meaning parents and adults can sometimes be the source for children being overcommitted at too young an age. Evaluate the situation or activities that are producing a problem and work toward solutions to help your child.